I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
