So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
