How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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