She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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