The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
this just has baby written all over it
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Randomize
