Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
