While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
