Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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