I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Dicks are not precious.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
