after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
