when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize
