we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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