i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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