i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
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