i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
