Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Randomize
