Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
