My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Randomize
