My liver just broke up with me...
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Is Oprah even human
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
