There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
