bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
