oh god the rape fog is back!
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
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