u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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