I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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