No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
