...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
