Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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