i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
