Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Randomize
