Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
