I love black thongs
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
