He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
