woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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