I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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