I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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