PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
