"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
