well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Bring me that man meat
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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