Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
