Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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