if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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