just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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