Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
