A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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