His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
