yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Randomize
