Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I pour the whiskey from now on
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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