she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
