My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
