just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
