come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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