I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
