My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
