Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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