She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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