Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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