Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
