I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
