i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
