And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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